Man I wish I knew how to absolutley not give a FUCK. Not giving a shit would definently get me a lot farther in life, well I mean just women. Im just so tired of all these people in douglasville, especially when I know there is so much more for me in Stateborro.
I want to college on a lake that would be GLORIOUS.
I love lake.
Im going to the lake tomorrow haha.
But it is definently time to get out of here, and away from my parents.

Is it time to leave yet... almost. I got my rooming contract; staying in Eagle Village and so did Zoe!!!, but also with two surprise room mates. Are you ready for this? ...
...
..
.
Houston Littlejohn and Nicholas Glennons
yeah I know right, who has the last name littlejohn????????????????
whatever I try to stay optimistic despite my pesimism.

But im so ready to leave.
So Anna writes in my yearbook, "It was great getting to know you, and your a really great guy. Keep your morals strong and have a good time at southern." Are you freaking kidding me.

But I guess Losey is going after Ally so I guess I wont be hanging out with her this summer, neither will I be hanging out with Chelsea either, because despite her," We should stay single of the summer." But its ok because she is on her 2nd post Jake Boyfriends. But its ok because she told me she doesn't want a boyfriend going into college. Why does everything have to be so difficult with girls.

Whatever maybe something Flippin awesome will happen soon. 

Well it's getting close to the end of the 4 year chapter... Had the senior year book signing today, baseball is over, and all the sweat and hardwork that I put into it, I'm trying to think was it really worth getting screwed my senior year, but then again it makes me who I am today, so I guess I just answered my own quesion. Other than that senioritis is really getting the best of me, can't wait until college so it can slap me in the face haha.
Moving on. I have come to the realization that Anna has no soul hahahaha, she's just afraid of getting hurt, glad I was the example, she's still a bitch though. After all this arguemen and figuring stuff out with Chelsea and I finally put Anna to the side she is now ignoring me and I don't know why. But it's whatever, just takin it day by day. Me myself and I.
I love those days when you are listening to music and it's the soundtrack as if you were watchig a movie idk why but it makes me feel really good about myself haha. Until next time. Stay classy San Diego.

Ahh dammit son, girls girls girls. Anna your great and I am sorry about pulling the girlfriend card. But all this sketchy shit is working. Like there really is no need. Ok I'm down for talking until your comfortable, but once again I can't handle just waiting around for whenever you feel like talking to me, that is no bueno. But made an apperance with the Kelsie Graham at montereys tonight haha very nice, I wonder if her and Brennan are still dating cause she doesn't act like it. Even if she did have a little crush on me she's way to hardcore for me in a hot way. But me and Chelsea are friends again so that's good! I really felt bad that Josh made her lose all her friends that is awful. But it was her loss in the first place haha. Well baseballbis winding down to an end senior night Wednesday. I'm really excited kind of if my hitting doesn't pick up i'm gonna be very sad haha. I wish this crap with Anna would clear up because I just don't have the patience, because i really do like her but if this is how she acts like this all the time... No way

Last time I posted it was about Chelsea... yeah... no. Shes done. But I recently had to tell a girl that I wasn't going to prom with her anymore. That was awful, but I cant act like anyone else wouldn't of done it to me. But its ok its just prom. 

The year is winding down, baseball, spring break, prom, graduation. I am definently making the most of this season. I love my team, we are a team, a family. I know thats deep but i know for a fact not many other teams can say the same. Thats what makes us so good. Showing off in pre-game, watching the stands fill with all the ladies, the prayer, the calling of the line-up,the walk up songs, the intensity in the dugout, those come back from behind victories against the best teams, scoring the winning run, giving it your all, everyone goes crazy. Thats what I live for. Thats what I'm going to miss.

Well what a week let's recap. Tag teamed with Connor and met some chapel hillians, some other guy asked Chelsea to prom, told chelsea that I would not take her to prom. Had a confirmation of losing two of my close friends...but now to think of it, I guess if they were real friends none of this would of ever happened no matter how long the friendship. Had some team bonding, had colladay today, I think a good 8 people did it, whatever I enjoyed it, also dropping bombs in practice. I.got to see one of my good friends get baptized, very exciting. And I'm am looking forward to my first game of my senior year, and an eventful afterward.

Man it really sucks losing a friend especially one you had shared so much with. I knew her up an down and she knew me in the same directions. I find myself reminising over her when I listen to sum 41, to all of the good times, too bad... I thought I knew you. I wonder how it feels to step on and take advantage of the people who love you and would do anything for you, for your personal benefit. On the other hand I would never want to know how that feels and i will never put myself in that position. Despite all the good times, it's not hard on me at all, I'm surprised how much I don't care. Probably a result of all the things you put me through coming back to my benefit. One step at a time

"I believe that my life's gonna see, the love I give, return to me." -John Mayer

I have been at the school all day oh my lord. However it has been somewhat enjoyable, besides the whole deal between me and Chelsea and the new catcher from chapel hill they say his nickname is shovel face??! But the good part of today is a mixture of getting through my classes with my music and the DECA intiation, "SWOOT" haha. It just made my total day better. Let's see what has been stacked on the negative list:
Chelsea
Prom
Baseball taking away my vacations
Shovel Face (more competition for my position)

And it continues to add up.
But I see my semester brightening up here soon
not really I just hope my friend from McCeachern will come to see my game and we can hangout or something.
Whatever Breakfast at Cracker Barrel wit my Boys ayeeeee

Filling my ears with john Mayer and a day to remember to help me get my mind off of her but it's making me think about her.
It's funny seeing all the sides if a person: them liking you, your all they can think about, having a great time with you, seeing em with someone else and knowing that they just got to you, seeing her flirt with other guys right in front you, knowing she's over you and she's rubbing it in your face. I guess i didn't know her as well as I thought.
I bet she doesn't want to goto prom with me anymore.
I'm pathetic

Superbowl today, whatever both the teams suck. It's time for college... I hate high school I'm sick of seeing the same people do the same stuff with the same people. Especially high school girls. So indesisive, so stupid but don't get me wrong there are s couple or are starting to get a grip.
I'm just so sick of high school... The coaches, the teachers, the classes, the students, the rules. I'm tired of Douglas county. I'm sick of the other three schools inbour district and the people who goto them.
However when I get to college and never see any of these people, I'm sure I'll kind of miss a couple, but on the contrary I will hopefully have mr Lipham as my roommate. That would be grand.
It's sad when I'm here venting to the Internet because I have no one else to tell me what I want to here, or some advice to put it behind me. It's time to go.
On my bad days I sometime wonder if I died, anyone would miss me, would anyone appreciate me, would the people who have put me through my worsts even care. Then I'll sit there and say that Gid wouldn't kill me. Then it snap out of my anger and realize that he could take my life at anytime and that none of this is about me so get over it. But it's so hard. I have my good days and my bad days but on those bad days I feel that so much just keeps making it worse. Is it the devil testing my allegiance, is it the cosequense of sinning, or is it just bad luck. I wish god would just throw a paper ball at me and when opened up it has a list off all the answers. But it doesn't work that way.

So many things are going on when I just think about it: baseball, DECA, school work, grades, spring break, prom, church trips, church, tosh.0 :) baseball, baseball. Yeah I know right, I need a break from it all, not baseball I just want the flippen season to start. Oh and one more thing, weight training. We do the dame work outs every week on the same days... The same ab work outs on the same days, you think they would of figured it out that the same muscles are being work resulting in barely any gain, In college I am going to be my own weight training class... Flawless. But I'm going to carry my GPA on a pedestal and get all my work done and set my priorities. It's gon be bangin bruh. Not really sure what that is supposed to mean??

One day I had realized it, my pride had been shot. I came to the realiztion that she had got over me and was going to move on. So I turned to my good friend and youth minister for advice. I learned so much from him. That I can't let things get to me, i can't make asumptions or expectations for if they aren't met it will only make things worse. Despite that I should let go, but it's hard to let go of something that you care about so much... Very cliche... And now I feel like I'm on a different track, taking to heart what all my graduated friends have told me, "Enjoy your senior year" sounds like a plan... Doesn't mean I have to party or hook up with a bunch of chics. I see plenty of future opportunities that will be fun. I mean were just "friends" :)

Guess today is just one of those days. I didn't do anything to lead to this, this lonliness. Well according to Kenzie today making a cd for a girl is a pretty big deal, well when I was making them, I'm not going to lie it felt like a big deal. Whatever. Well I was hoping to see that 1 missed call alert after not being near my phone for two hours. I guess that gives me some hope, I don't know why. Who knows maybe that means something good is going to happen, or absolutley nothing is going to happen (high possibility). But I will still keep a cool mindset.
I need College. But isn't that what everybody says? I mean it's not like you can run away from the present. Oh lord how I wish I could.
College, it's coming. I'm so scared but I'm not, I feel like it's time. I wish I could just break it to my dad that I don't want to play baseball in college, even though I do. But ball and school are not going to mix. I know it's going to let him down, it let's me down. Very depressing thoughts :( but college is going to be so awesome. Smoke a stogie every night with my roommate I hope it's gonna be that easy.more than anything I hope there is going to be a nice gym, that would really dissapoint me if there isn't :(

I am ashamed of my first blog, filled with extremely scattered ideas but then is this blog, filled with unorganized blog posts. I think to much.
I wish I could figure her out. Oh surprise the first post about a girl.
I guess it is true, I have come to the conclusion that I am too nice, I let her walk over me. This will stop. I guess it clicked after I got the same break up excuse. It was awful the second time, it felt like my last break up and the current got me in a tag team match. Very depressing. I don't want to, I don't want either of us to have a broken heart going into college. CLASSIC, then when you bring it up nothing beats the response of I don't know what to say. I think it's built into every woman, when they know they have been confronted. I guess I should just quit getting myself into these situations, Jake quit trying to date your best friends that are girls and when you date other girls just dump them before it gets serious. Like that right? We have known each other for ever and we knew it was going to happen, but it turned to be a two week joke. A month before we dated I wrote her a poem, no one has something like that before For her, no one has ever given her flowers before. I guess that was mistake. Maybe she will come across it one day and see what it could of been, us. Just one of those things on tv that you see and hope they happen to you. I guess everything will work out in the end. But according to linkin park, in the end it doesn't even matter...

Tosh was epic tonight.
But anyways it funny how people are, for example on facebook the girl who parties all the time and really hot can post the classic John 3:16 and get a good; somewhere around 20, 23 likes but I can post a verse in a chapter that people are to lazy to even read and get an incredible 1 like out of it. I mean just because you post John 3:16 on your facebook Doesnt mean your Christian nor a good person... Well if that's what is trying to be achieved, but these days it's incredible how people can just put you in categories based on your actions. By no means am I calling myself a perfect Christian because I am far from it. But I do thank you Courtney Schartle for my proud one like :)

First day of blogging haha, i guess my inspiration comes from the social network and Mark Zuckerberg.

Alexander is getting very dull. The same stuff, same people. But then again i bet that is what everyone else thinks.  But on a better note I feel that my lack of doing things during the weekends #loser, has fell on my youth group to keep me occupied. Especially being how we got a new youth pastor, well intern, whatever...Jesse Pinklton. Almost positive that I spelled that wrong. So anyways Jesse P as he is in my phone. I will continue later its time for Tosh!